I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
