everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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