what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
