The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
