"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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