He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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