I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
