Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
