i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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