so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
