what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
