I was the one passing out cake at the bars
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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