Will you blow on my dice?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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