At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
