She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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