You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
