I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
