Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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