We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
