He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
