y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
