Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize