That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
