Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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