I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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