HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
