Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
