Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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