At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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