i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
