yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
