Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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