You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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