On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize