I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
