She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
