you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
