:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You're like the curious george of whores
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
