you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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