She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
