I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
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3 2 1 whiskey
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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