I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
