i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
