We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
