Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
