And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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