there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Your cock deserves a montage
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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