Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
