i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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