i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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