I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
