I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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