things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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