i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
