You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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