Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
