My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
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Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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