2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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