I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
