New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
