You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
