and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude