wanna go halves on a baby?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything