I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
